June 2013
I’M SO ANGRY
SOME 16TH CENTURY ASSHOLE WROTE “GOD B W YE” IN A LETTER AS AN ABBREVIATION FOR “GOD BE WITH YE”
AND IT APPEARED AS “GODBWYE”
WHICH WAS THEN READ AS “GOODBYE”
AND THAT’S WHY WE SAY “GOODBYE”
BECAUSE OF 16TH CENTURY CHAT SPEAK
“Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language.”
—H. Jackson Brown, Jr. (via helloinblack)
once i was sick so i got a prescription for codeine cough syrup and when i went to pick it up the pharmacist was like “you really won’t need all of this” and i was like “it’s ok i could just sell it at school” and he was like “YEAAAAAAAH FUTURE PHARMACIST” and fist bumped me
ok apparently this pharmacist is my brother’s old pot dealer
his name is scooter
why is bob short for robert
how does one get ‘billy’ out of ‘william’?
How in hell do you get “Dick” from “Richard”?
you ask him nicely
you ask him nicely
i have been waiting for yEARS FOR THIS POST TO COME BACK YOU DONT UNDERSTAND
There’s a kid in my class named Richard Hunter
May 2013
apparently my frikcking seven year old cousin made a club at school called the “no friends club” and basically everyone who doesnt have friends sits together at lunch holy shit hes going to be the next leader of the free world
But what happens if you make friends with someone else in the club? Does he kick out those two people since they have a friend now?
Balloons are so weird… “happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath”
always remember
if i take both my headphones out when you start talking to me
you’re special
disclaimer: if i rip them out while staring at you, you should run.
me:
you:
Lemon is someone out theres favorite.
thats the most uplifting thing ive read all day
What? No one likes Lemon that much
Sometimes i talk in song lyrics and my friends don’t even notice
sometimes I talk in Mean Girls quotes and no one notices
Sometimes I talk and nobody notices
At first it was funny but then it got kind of sad
Just like my social life
Oh God
how much do friends cost
too expensive
OH MY GOD
My boss just texted me asking to come into work at 4:30 in the morning and I threw my phone down and was like “you’re such a faggot I fucking hate you” and then I heard the Siri confirmation noise and I picked up my phone and
so my cat is meowing like crazy in the kitchen and so i go to see whats up and i walk in on this
so naturally im like “what the fucking hell” and go and look out the window and
ARE YOU KIDDING ME
THIS IS NOT ROMEO AND JULIET GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY PORCH
